Think of your deepest pain or fear. Those are the places we tend to think God cannot go, for if we let him go there, we would be healed. God is most fully real and himself in the worst parts of our lives, but letting go at the point when you feel the most fear and pain is difficult. Oddly enough, we prefer to hold onto our fear and pain because they keep us in control. Trusting at those points is like letting go when the source of your pain and fear is just before you; you tend to tighten your grip to protect yourself. This makes sense, but just like many profound truths, the solution is the opposite and counterintuitive. You must let go at that very point when you feel most threatened. That is when your healing will become sublime and you will reach new heights. That is also when the same old fear and pain will not keep weighing you down. Worth it!
How profound the thought that God, within himself, is relationship. He is greater than the sum of his parts. He is not Father, Son, or Holy Spirit. He is all and the interactions which occur between. He is always moving and his character is tied up in the ongoing dance. As well, we ourselves can never cease being in relationship. Just try to live apart from others. Even saying you are going to become “independent” is a relational position.
Remember, too, that what you see before you is all system. Even what appear to be objects at rest are formed by atoms and molecules spinning within themselves and forever colliding with one another. Nothing is static. Everything is involved in the dance. Those who appear different than you are there to offer you a chance for balance and growth. Being self-contained and self-sufficient is overrated (let alone impossible). What you perceive as your “self” is not real apart from the relationships which have formed you. Your “ideas” are formed from ideas which have been shared with you before. Your beliefs, values and emotions are all formed in relationship, too. Once you have accepted this, you will start to see the real reality and you will start to see yourself as you are: a system intermingled with others, never static, always moving. It is amazing.
If you listen, you can connect with this voice which is underneath all the things that normally fill our senses. It is happening on a different wavelength, a different plane, but you can tune in to it if you have some patience. All the things right in front of us and all the things people are saying tend to distract us from it and sometimes we forget it is there, but our minds and souls are meant to be in a state of resonance with it. Call it the real reality, call it process, call it “what is really going on”, call it the eternal – whatever you want. It is real and it is that which our spiritual practices help us to access. Our spiritual practices are there to help us push back all the distractions and noise and tune in to reality.
I hope you can have great trust in the real reality. All the distractions and the noise can make you very cynical, but the real reality can give you a sense of hope and freedom and even joy. God is speaking to you and to you only. Forget what everybody else says.
You have heard it talked about that most people go through some kind of “dark night of the soul” at some point in their lives. Well I don’t know about you, but I feel like I go through some kind of depression/darkness almost monthly (if not more often) when I feel depressed and it feels like there was no way to avoid it. I just need to be depressed, something needs to die.
My wife told me last week too that babies go through a fussy period when they are getting ready to move through some developmental something soon. That pretty well sums up my life, too: I get fussy and depressed and grumpy and hard to live with and then, what do you know, the next few days, something has changed. I have changed. I feel like I should have realized this before in a more profound way. It’s just the growth process! That’s what all these dark nights are about. It’s just that sometimes we get stuck in them and call it “Major Depressive Disorder.” One of the ways we can stay unstuck is by figuring out what needs to change, what needs to die.
It is also true that rest awaits. I believe C.S. Lewis said somewhere that man has the capacity to endure suffering only as long as he has to – that once the suffering has ended, he will have the experience that he could not have possibly endured one minute more. This is the other thing that makes our suffering bearable: we know there is respite when it is finished. This day will end at some point and you will be able to sleep. This week will end in a weekend. This season of life will eventually pass. Some day, the suffering will abate. At the end of it all, there will be rest with a certain finality.
This is our hope – that this present darkness will someday end and we will be able to lay down all our weapons and rest, suffer no more, lie down in peace and security. And this is the way our lives are structured. Even God took a day off and suggested we do the same regularly. This is one of the things that helps us endure suffering: realizing that some day it will cease. “‘He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain.”
I have long been fascinated by and drawn to stories of people who have suffered greatly and yet live free. That’s why my favorite movie is The Shawshank Redemption. I heard once that Nelson Mandela was able to find a sublime level of peace in his soul while imprisoned. You have probably heard similar stories. I have even wished suffering upon myself at times because in suffering, we learn who we truly are and what really matters in life bubbles to the surface. Weird, right?
We cannot really avoid stress or suffering, though we try and try. It is what you make of the stress that matters. These “new” findings suggest that what you believe about stress is very important. If you believe stress will kill you, then it just might. Instead, it is more true that whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger…if you let it. Then again, maybe dying is not so bad. The stress is there to set you free and to form you. We must learn to trust it.